Missing Person
by FraidyCat
Summary: Tiny 2chapter Parody for the light of heart. Could be Intervention, Part 111.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Missing Person**

Author: FraidyCat

Warnings: As Alternate as the Universe gets. A Brief Parody for Fun. Lighten up. My tongue is firmly in cheek on this one.

Disclaimer: The television show "numb3rs" and its characters are never used for profit by poor, little ol' me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don propped his weary head up with one hand, elbow on the desk, and lifted heavy eyes toward the clock on the bullpen wall. With satisfaction, he saw that it was nearly 5 o' clock. As soon as he signed off on this report of Granger's, he was calling it a night and heading for Charlie's house. With any luck, Alan was making something remarkable for dinner.

As he dropped his eyes to the report again, he caught Megan hurrying toward him, waving a computer print-out. "Don! You're not going to believe the APB LAPD just broadcast!"

Don groaned. He hated it when his FBI agents talked in inititals.

He leaned back in his chair and regarded the pretty honey-blonde. "Come on, Reeves. Afraid we might actually get the evening off? Ever since Larry got lost in space, all you want to do is work!"

He heard Colby snort and attempt to disguise it with a cough. Megan stopped abruptly in front of Don's desk and frowned. "Very funny. Larry is _not_ lost in space. He may have missed a turn or two, but that's no reason to assume he's floating around at will searching for a cosmic crossing guard!"

Her face was red and Don could literally see her temperature rising. He raised his hands in mock surrender. "Fine, fine, I was just kidding. Take it easy! What've you got?"

Megan's attention was drawn again to the print-out she held. She was still a little miffed. She shook it dangerously close to Don's face. "What? This? It's probably not important, really. I'm sure LAPD can handle it."

Don sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Seriously, Reeves. What the hell is it?"

Megan remembered who carried the title of "Team Leader". She bent slightly at the waist so that she was looking Don in the eye, and stage whispered. "All Points Bulletin for a missing fan fic writer. One of the most prolific and dangerous ones out there. FraidyCat is missing."

Don's eyes widened and he grabbed the print-out. His low whistle didn't drown out Colby's "holy shit", or the thump of his size 12s when he hurried to join them. Colby stood uncertainly with his hands on his hips, looking from Megan to Don. "What is it, Don? David left already, but I can call him on his cell if we need him. He can't be far away, yet."

Don quickly read the APB and dropped it on his desk as if the paper burned him. He leaped awkwardly from his chair and clasped both hands behind his head. He looked worriedly at his team. "This is bad. You know who the first suspect is gonna be, don't you?" He abruptly swiveled and paced away from Megan and Colby.

Megan pursed her lips. "You'll be all-right, Don. Granted, you've made some pretty strong threats against her in the past..."; — she frowned — "...and you weren't careful enough about who heard you...but you've got pretty stellar witnesses. The APB says her office was trashed last night, and you were with us at that crime scene in Burbank. We've been with you since 9 yesterday evening!"

Don stopped pacing and dropped his hands, but he didn't turn around. Instead, Colby looked at Megan incredulously. "You don't get it, do you, Reeves? What kind of profiler are you? LAPD is going to head straight for Charlie."

She stomped her tiny foot. "Stop yelling at me! And I don't have to profile Charlie to know he would never hurt anyone!"

Don turned and came quickly back to his desk. "Come on, Reeves, think. Who has the most to gain from FraidyCat's disappearance? Who has she whumped the hell out of for almost a year?" He reached for the cell lying on his desk while realization crossed Megan's face. He hit one number to speed-dial his brother. He had to talk to Charlie.

He growled in frustration when the call went unanswered and was directed to voice mail. He ended the call and stared at the phone as if it had offended him. "Dammit, Charlie..." His tirade was interrupted when the phone vibrated in his hand. "Thank God," he whispered, and answered immediately. "Charlie, I need you to come..." Don suddenly looked confused, and Megan and Colby exchanged a look. Don dropped his eyes to the floor. "Dad? I'm sorry, I just called Charlie and I thought you were him..._WHAT?_" Don lifted his eyes and stared with terror at Colby. He raised his voice so loud that others in the bullpen looked their way. "_WHAT DID YOU SAY?_"

Megan took a step forward and placed a hand on Don's arm. In one motion he shook it off, jammed the cell in his pocket and started in a run for the elevator. "We're going to Huntington Memorial," he barked to the two agents following him. "Charlie's in a coma."


	2. Chapter 2

**Missing Person, Chapter 2**

Disclaimer: The television show "numb3rs" and its characters are never used for profit by poor, little ol' me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The three agents rushed into the Huntington Memorial Trauma Center, where they quickly found Alan. He was pacing frantically in the waiting area.

Don approached and offered a quick hug. "Dad, what happened? You said it was something as school?"

Alan tried to smile at Colby and Megan, but failed miserably. "I can't believe I sent that woman cookies."

Megan spoke calmly. "What woman, Alan?"

The eldest Eppes sighed and looked guiltily at his son. "That FraidyCat woman. When you boys tried to talk some sense into her before. I knew it was a serious intervention, and still — I sent damn cookies."

Don's heart thudded in his chest. He tried to reassure his father and get information out of him at the same time. "Dad. it's not your fault. What makes you think FraidyCat is involved?"

A tear dropped from the corner of Alan's eye and he brushed it away angrily. "It has to be her." He appealed to Megan. "You're a profiler, you've read her work. Who else would subject my poor baby to this kind of..._overkill_?"

Don claimed his attention, again. "What exactly happened, Dad? Why is Charlie in a coma?"

Alan sighed, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "They're not sure. Could be any one of a number of things. First, a student in his last class this afternoon started shooting the place up, and Charlie was hit with shrapnel. Then, in all the confusion, two masked men stormed into the lecture hall and dragged him out, in a kidnapping attempt. While he struggled, part of the space station cracked off and crashed to the earth -- something about a completely untrained payload specialist --anyway, it hit all three of them. The two other men were killed, and Charlie was unconscious by the time Amita got to him." Alan looked momentarily confused. "I still don't know why she was the first one there, or why she's out of town now, or whether or not she and my son are bumping toes..."

Don ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "I will kill that lousy fanfic bitch. We tried to tell her this would get out of control. She put everything into one scene!"

Suddenly, he felt Colby's hand on his arm. "Don!", he heard the other agent gasp, and he followed his gaze across the room.

FraidyCat was approaching the group, laptop open, typing with one hand.

Both Eppes and their friends were stunned into silence.

When FraidyCat reached them, she slammed the laptop shut and glared at Don. "I did not do this to your brother," she hissed. "I've been good, lately. Sort-of."

Don tried to take a step toward her, but Colby held him back. "That's not true!", he shouted, and hospital personnel frowned at him. "I got an e-mail from Charlie a couple of days ago. Your silence has been making him nervous, so he designed an algorithim to find out what you've been up to."

She looked bumfoozled. "Really? He can do that?"

Don rolled his eyes. "Of course he can, you idiot! He does it every Friday night at 10, and you know it!"

She shrugged. "Frankly, it's hard for me to follow all that mathspeak."

Colby let go of Don and smiled at FraidyCat. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes, when Charlie..."

Megan interruped, tossing a dirty look their way before she looked at Don. "What did Charlie say in the e-mail?"

Don's eyes narrowed as he stared down FraidyCat. "He knows about Howling Thunder."

She paled, and dropped her laptop. Megan suppressed a yelp as it bounced off her foot. FraidyCat backed up a step. "That's not my fault. Talk to The Silent Rumble. It was his idea. Besides, we're not even finished with our first story, yet. Have you seen anything online?"

This time, Colby didn't stop Don, and he took a step forward and poked her in the chest. He stepped back, embarassed, when his index finger sank into flesh remarkably like a marshmallow. He tried to concentrate. "Yeah, well, you're double-whumping him, aren't you? You and Rumble?"

FraidyCat laughed, then screamed, "ASSAULT! POLICE BRUTALITY! HELP!!!", at the top of her voice. While hospital security ran toward them, she lowered her voice and spoke only to the three agents and Alan. "Just wait," she murmured, and her breath smelled of tacos. "You and your precious Charlie just wait. I have not yet begun to whump."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

END (or...BEGINNING?)


End file.
